Love Me, Let Me Go
by Raven-Rach
Summary: This was killing her. It was killing me. But we both knew, Max and I, exactly what they meant when they said If You Love Something You Have To Let It Go... Fax. OOC. T for Teen Book.
1. The OneShot

**Ummm, yeah- it's 2am and I just wrote this. No idea what made me write it or what I was thinking when I wrote it, I just got the sudden urge to open up a document and start typing!  
Yes, it is very OOC but whatever... It is a oneshot. Fang POV.**

I own absolutely nothing lol- but I do own a bed and I have to go and sleep in it now because I have to be up at 6am and it's already almost 2.30!! Ugh... the inspiration fairies always strike at the worst time!!!

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She sat in the bed- a lost and forlorn look adorning her sad face while her eyes seemed far-off and moist. She just sat there staring at nothing, and the deafening silence echoed throughout the house. She was not happy. She was not herself. She was scared and empty. She was not the girl she used to be. She was not Maximum Ride.

"Hey," I said neutrally. A hint of a question lingered in the small word that escaped my lips- I knew what was wrong, but I wanted to hear it from her.

She never answered. It was a bad day. The sun shone brightly outside as if taunting us scornfully with its irony, there was no brightness left her eyes. Her rosy lips turned downwards and her wide eyes were vacant. Bad day. Bad, bad day.

I sat down beside her on the bed, leaning back against the headboard as she frowned at the duvet. Gently, I tugged it over my legs too. We were together, safe in our own little cocoon. Nothing existed beyond this bed- all we had to do was embrace this safety and block out all the rest of the world. It was neutral ground, we would open up here. She would open up here. But I would need to coax her.

"Max," I said softly, "please talk to me."

It was a simple request, but I didn't know if she was able to fulfil it. My gentle words fluttered away like leaves in a breeze and I wondered if she heard them before the silence whipped them away. Could she hear the traces of pain in what I had said? What right had I to feel pain when she sat broken before me?

"Hello Fang," she muttered sarcastically. "What lovely weather we are having today, don't you agree? Should I get started on the dinner? Would you like to take the kids outside and play some ball with them? I won't be able to watch the mundane drivel on the television tonight- I have far too much housework to do. Perhaps when I have finished polishing the silverware, I will bake you an apple pie. Would you like an apple pie, Fang? A nice, freshly-baked apple freaking pie like all us normal people enjoy."

The biting sarcasm had taken on a new sound- it was bitter. Bitterness barely masked by the usual lack of emotion in Max's voice. She refused to look at me- glaring instead at the stitching on her bed sheets instead.

"Max, I-"

"You what, Fang?" she asked wearily. "You want me to smile? Maybe later, just let me stay in bed for a while."

"It's four pm, Max, and you're fully dressed under this quilt. You don't like staying in bed- you like having things to do."

I shouldn't have to tell her this kind of thing. I shouldn't have forced her to act like this, and I wasn't sure that I could bear to see her like this anymore. I cared for her too much to allow this kind of suffering to continue.

"I don't know what I like anymore. And there is nothing for me to do," My Leader mumbled sadly. This was killing her- I was killing her. Very slowly and very surely. It tore my heart into shreds and seemed to make the air I breathed smog up with dirty chemicals so that I felt unwell.

I had to keep trying. I had to hear her say it, if she didn't say it for herself I would never be able to let her go. "Please, Max. Please talk to me- tell me what's wrong," I whispered desperately. I stared at her pale skin and thin frame. I couldn't do it anymore, but I couldn't do anything at all until I heard the truth from her lips.

"I don't like it here, Fang," she admitted. Her sorrowful eyes finally locked on mine and the sheets crumpled as she turned to face me. "I can't be me here."

"You can't live here." It wasn't a question, it was a blunt and matter-of-fact statement laced with grief.

She shook her miserable head mournfully and I watched the blonde hair wisp around her face. I had to memorise this now. I had to imprint every detail on my brain for evermore. Her brimming eyes that spoke unsaid words to me. Her chapped lips that I had kissed once upon a time. Her forehead that was scrunched up like always- but with sadness as opposed to determination or worry. There was no need for her to worry here.

"I can't be me here, Fang," she repeated softly.

"Who are you? Who are you that you can't be the same here?" I asked. But I knew the answer. I just needed to hear her voice, hear her twisted logic and hear her reasons.

"I'm a hero, Fang. I need a bad guy, I need an enemy. There are no bad guys here, there is nobody to fight. There are no threats. Nobody here needs to be protected or saved."

Max looked down at the blankets again. "I am useless here, Fang. I feel trapped and empty and I can't even breathe right. I can't do this. I just can't."

Her eyes were watery and I could see her lower lip quiver. "I know I said that I would try. I know that you only wanted to do this buying a house and living in safety thing for the best of intentions and for the Flock… but I can't try any more. I've tried, Fang, and I'm failing. I have failed. I'm not supposed to fail, Fang- not me."

I could feel pain clench my heart in an iron like grip. It cut off all the air and blood flowing to my body and I felt dizzy with the crashing realisation and immense pain that her words brought. I knew what was coming next, and I felt like it would kill me. Maybe it would. But it was killing her too. It was killing my Max, and I couldn't let her be hurt… I had hurt her enough.

"The Flock," I croaked. "They… they like it here. They love it here…"

"I know," she gasped as though she were fighting off tears. Maybe she was. This was killing both of us.

"It doesn't matter," I said resolutely. "We can leave, all of us. We'll go back to the way it was…"

Max looked at me again and her face was screwed up in pain and barely contained tears. "No. No, I can't do that to them… every day, every freaking day they say how much they love this place. Every day they say that they would hate to go back to the old ways… we can't."

We were both twisted sideways on the bed, looking at each other with desperation. My hands grasped hers and we squeezed tight. Our knuckles were turning white but we didn't let go. Our eyes were having a heartfelt conversation as we stared, and a thick lump of imaginary rock lodged itself in my throat. My mind was chanting the same mantra over and over and over again: _No. No, no, no, no._

We both leaned forward and I felt our foreheads press against each other and our noses touch. Our eyes never broke contact. The feeling of our skin against each other should have been glorious… instead it made acid burn a hole deep within my stomach. She was only doing this because of what was about to come. Max would never ever do something like this if she wasn't about to do what would undoubtedly ensue.

"I can't do it," I whispered wretchedly. "I can't do it alone."

"You have to," Max murmured. "I believe in you."

Panic rose in my chest. I had known it was coming but it still came as a shock. A shock I couldn't accept.

"I promised." I garbled the first excuse that came into my head. I was clutching at straws. "I promised that I would never leave you ever again. I promised, Max."

She gave a weak shadow of a smile. "But I never promised not to leave you. You're off the hook, Fang- you don't have to keep the promise anymore."

"I want to keep the promise," I said pleadingly. I had to make her stay. Even if she just stayed with me here inside the little bubble around her bed that blocked out everything else. We were still pressed together and every breath, every movement, every single thing that we did could be felt by the other. So close yet so far apart. It would never be the same again.

"I know," she breathed just as brokenly.

"I love you," I said, my words shuddering and catching in my throat. My panic, my pain and my impending loss were making my body shake uncontrollably.

Her eyelashes fluttered closed and I could feel her tremble too. "I know."

With her eyes still closed, Max pressed her lips against mine. Not soft and not in a kiss. Just a hard and forceful pressure that I returned exactly. My eyes closed too, but it didn't lessen the pain. I caught her bottom lip between mine as I fought off the tears. She kissed me back, turning her head to the side and I knew that the emotions of pain and agony were ripping her apart too. And we stayed there- clinging to each other, fighting off tears and kissing each other so hard that it almost seemed as though we were trying to meld our bodies together in the hopes that we could just become one person and stay together forever.

But we couldn't.

Our foreheads pressed together again, and even though my eyes were closed I knew that hers were too. The silence raged on as we inhaled and exhaled in synchronisation, our bodies trembling and the time ticking away.

"It has to be this way," she whispered, her words washing over my face with her juddering breaths. "I love you too."

"Please." Just one single word that contained every single speech I ever wanted to recite to the enigma in my arms. Just one word. Just a request that she could never fulfil.

She pressed her lips gently to mine once more and disentangled herself from my embrace. She clambered off the bed on unsteady, wavering limbs. The agony was consuming her too. I suddenly felt very alone and cold and afraid on this bed. I watched as she pulled on her boots and stooped to pick up her rucksack.

"I need to be me," she said in an uneven and shaky voice. "I need to be the hero and I need someone to save. I can't be normal. I can't stay here. I can't try anymore- not even for you and not even for the Flock. I need to be me."

"Promise me that you'll come back." I scrambled off the bed, blinking back the caustic and treacherous tears.

She smiled sadly. "No more promises."

"Promise me that you will come back," I reiterated.

"Tell them I love them. Tell them I'm sorry."

"Promise me, Max."

She placed a framed photograph of us all into her bag from the dressing table and zipped it back up.

"I love you," she said. Her irises were bright and the pain glimmered in them. We could hear the Flock make noise downstairs. Happy noise. Carefree noise.

"Max-"

"I have to be me again, Fang. This place is destroying me."

"Being without you will destroy me," I shot back. "I can't do this alone. I need you."

"You have me. Always. Take care of them, Fang. My heart is yours- all of yours, you and the Flock. But my soul and my spirit aren't here… I'll miss you."

She turned away from me and opened the balcony door. I should have known that Maximum Ride couldn't be normal or settled. She was a wild bird that couldn't be caged- not even by me and not even by her Flock. She had to fly free. What kind of hero was a hero without people to save or the threat of danger? Max had to be the hero, not the stay at home mom.

"You own my heart," I told her gravely. "When the world is saved, bring it back to me. We'll be waiting."

She nodded. Bright sunlight flooded the tense room and I watched as Max took to the skies. There was pain and gratitude shining in her face as she flew away. Agony filled me to the brim, but there was hope burning within me too. She would be happier this way, and she would come back. With every fibre of my being I would look forward to her return- because she would return. She loved us, she loved me- and like every good hero she would keep checking in on those who she saved.

If you loved something, you let it go. And if you loved it enough, you hoped with everything you had that it would come back. I hoped for Max's return- be it in five days or five years, it would come to pass and I would still love her enough to wish that she had never left in the first place.

If you loved something you had to let it go- Max and I understood that. It was hard, and it hurt- but we understood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay... First of all, this story was meant to be a oneshot. But nearly everyone who reviewed wanted me to continue this, and I felt that I couldn't ignore that. I'm not really sure if I'm all that happy with this, I was much much happier with the first chapter- but I will post this anyway. You can expect at least one more chapter, but don't be surprised if it isn't posted for a while because I have a lot of schoolwork to do right now including practical aspects of my exams for summer.**

**Once again, this is OOC and in Fang's perspective and Maximum Ride belongs to James Patterson. I hope this is okay as a chapter, I'm not overly satisfied with it... Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed in the first chapter, I love to hear your thoughts and opinions =]**

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"Fang?" Iggy's tentative voice broke through the haze of my thoughts. He sounded confused- and rightly so: I was perched on the edge of Max's bed in her room. Completely alone and tangled up in a web of conflicted thoughts.

"What's up?" he asked. "Max gone for a fly?"

Of course- he didn't know yet. Her room seemed the same as always- minimal and bare. Nothing was in the least bit personal- it was just a room, there was no sense of its owner in it whatsoever. The closed doors of her cupboards hid their emptiness. Max had left me the hard task: I had to break the news to them all, and live with them in the wake of her departure.

"No," I said. A note of finality ringing in my tone. "Max hasn't gone for a fly."

I rubbed my hand wearily over my face and gave a deep sigh. I couldn't break down, I couldn't fall apart. I had to do as Max had asked- I had to stay strong for the Flock, I had to protect them as Max wished. This moment would pass, and as soon as the sigh escaped my lips I would have to build myself back up again instantaneously. This second would be the only one I could have to let myself fully embrace the pain- from now on I would have to hide it from them, they couldn't know.

"She's gone, Ig," I sighed. There, moment gone. Walls back up and brave face carefully in place. The tumultuous emotions struggled and protested angrily within me, trying to force their way to the surface to be expressed… but I fought against them and my face remained blank as ever.

"Gone?" Bewilderment graced his pale visage as I stood up stoically.

"Yeah, gone. She couldn't hack it here Ig, you knew that." My voice was resigned, tired but neutral. The usual mask placed firmly upon my face and nobody knew what was happening beneath the surface, that wouldn't change.

"But… she… No!" Iggy exclaimed. "We should be with her- she knows that we would follow her everywhere! Why didn't she take us with her? She knew that we would have gone anywhere for her!"

Another withering glare was wasted on my blind brother. "And yet you told her only yesterday that you never wanted to leave this place."

Iggy turned his head to the side in shameful guilt. "Why did you let her go?" he demanded angrily, whipping his sightless eyes around to face me once more.

"Because I love her," I bit back unemotionally. I couldn't let the emotion seep into my words because that would be my undoing. "Because being here was killing her and I couldn't let that happen. She deserves to be free and she will come back."

"Max is gone now, Fang," he spat. Iggy could not control his emotions like I did- the panic and fear of life without Maximum Ride was agitating him spectacularly and making him lash out. "What makes you think that she will ever come back?"

His doubt angered me even though I could see the reasoning behind it very clearly. I stepped close to him, mere inches between us. "She _will _come back," I hissed vehemently. "Max _will _come back."

And then I left the room before any more of my crippling agony could leak through. My mind was foggy and I couldn't make clear-cut decisions: halfway down the hall, I stopped; turned; and walked right back towards Iggy.

"Max needs us to be strong. We need to be here for the Flock, and moping about will not help us in the slightest. Keep your thoughts to yourself- the kids will be told that Max is coming back and they will believe it. Most importantly, they will continue to be happy here. Happy and safe, got it?"

My own words caused me pain- I sounded like a leader. I sounded like I was in charge and in control… but that was Maximum Ride's duty. It was almost blasphemous to attempt to take her place. It was impossible to fill her role- she was incomparable, indescribable and perfectly suited to this job… yet she _wanted _me to fill her shoes. She wanted me to take charge. I was hers to command, I would do as I was told. I would be a poor leader- but I would try my hardest for her. It was all for her, everything was for her. It always was and always would be.

Love had been for her. Protecting had been for her. Worrying had been for her. Letting her go had been for her. For her safety and her wellbeing… I had let her go. _Me. _I had just let the love of my life walk out of it. She was gone… thanks to me. _I_ had come up with the idea of settling down. _I_ had found this haven. _I_ had chosen this house. _I_ had made the payments with her card. I had caused all of this. I had made Max unhappy and I had made her leave.

And even though I knew that I had to let her go, even though I knew that she would be happier, even though I loved her enough to let her go… I still wished that she hadn't gone. I still wished that she loved me enough to stay. The ghostly feel of her lips on mine made me shiver in a chilling memory. Her bedroom would remain empty and bare. The halls would not be graced with the sound of her voice. My heart would stay in this conflicted state of agony, longing and overwhelming sadness. A flicker of hope would continue to waver within the consuming doubt and loss within my chest. This was my life now. This was my life without her at my side.

The strong walls of my outward defence would keep me going. I would exude the strength that she had upheld until the end, my strength would keep the spirits of this household bright. Max had left, but I could not follow her. My place was here, my duty as Second in Command tied me to my family along with the implications of her requests.

I trudged down the stairs silently and made my way to the kitchen. Gazzy and Angel sat at the table eating ice-cream while Nudge pottered about in the cupboards. My ears picked up Iggy's shuffled entrance and I had to count to twelve in my head to calm my bubbling feelings before I could speak.

"Nudge." Her braids lashed around her face as she turned at the sound of my voice. "Sit down."

"Yeah sure! So what's up? I can't wait until tonight- at seven there's this really cool sitcom on, and it's about this girl who's able to-"

Her voice halted abruptly and she stopped speaking. Everyone stopped moving. Time stood still and I wondered if they were even breathing anymore. They were all gathered around the table, but it was my sitting down that shocked them. Not so much the act of sitting as opposed to where I had actually sat. I had lowered myself into the chair at the head of the table.

Max's seat.

The chair that nobody could sit in but her. It was off limits. We had made an unspoken agreement that it was hers- she sat in it on our very first day here and from them on it was marked as hers. It was for the Leader- the head of the table.

"She's gone, hasn't she?" Angel asked softly. But I couldn't answer her.

We were all sitting now. I watched them all from my new seat. The new, uncomfortable, unnatural seat that felt wrong and incorrect beneath me. I watched them closely. Wide eyes and gaping mouths. Confusion and panic. The silver spoons dipping into the ice-cream had frozen midair.

"Max," I began quietly. "Had to go away for awhile. She will be back, but she has some things to take care of first."

"Why didn't she tell us?" Gazzy cried, interrupting me.

"Because," I started again. "She knew that you wouldn't want her to go. Max told me to tell you that she loves you all very much and that she is sorry that she couldn't tell you herself. She will be back as soon as she can and she doesn't want you to worry because she is in no danger."

Nudge opened and closed her mouth numerous times in shock. "I don't understand!"

I was thrown by the brevity of her sentences. Hers, for once, were shorter than my own.

"All you need to know is that Max had to leave for a little while and that she will be back. That's all."

They were completely silent after my announcement and I realised that I needed to get away from this situation. Just for a second. I needed to get out of this room, get away from their questioning looks and just breathe.

"Put… the ice cream in the freezer when you're, um, done…" Yes, that sounded like something Max would say- didn't it? It showed them who was in charge, it told them what to do and it showed them, I think, that I cared… and that was what Max did. I pushed back my chair awkwardly and left the room with an unsettled frown upon my face.

Outside hidden behind the trees surrounding our house, I paced for a while. I clenched my hair tightly and yanked it between my rough hands, I kicked some of the trees in frustration and I tried to come to terms with this. What ever _this _was. This- this strange, painful and uneasy existence without Max. My Max. Frustration consumed me and a sense of overwhelming wretchedness flooded me. All too soon I had to go back inside. I needed to be there for them, to be around them, looking after them and caring for them.

"… He's blocking me out, Nudge. I can't find out _anything, _the walls he's putting up around his mind are worse than that Fort Knox place we read about in school back in Virginia," Angel exclaimed quietly from within her sickeningly sweet bedroom with its stuffed animals and pink walls. It was obvious that they were talking about me.

"Do you think that Max is okay? I wonder if she's coming back- she has to come back, right? Maybe it's something to do with the School- maybe they're back! We should go to Dr. Martinez and try to find Max, she might need help. We could go with Gazzy tonight, she might need us and then when we-"

"Stop it," I interrupted wearily, opening the door silently. The girls whirled around with eyes as round as dinner plates. Guilt instantly washed over their faces as they realised they had been caught red-handed.

"Max is not fighting the School, and she is not in trouble. She will be back and she does not need any help. Iggy and I will be taking watches all night every night, nobody is leaving this house to do something as stupid as willingly going looking for trouble. Max just has some things to do, she will be back. And we will _wait _for her _here_, alright?"

Nudge and Angel nodded strongly and mumbled rapid apologies. Taking watch would be necessary on my part, maybe even Iggy would try to leave at first. But it didn't look like I would be getting much sleep anyway, so it didn't really amtter. I exuded leadership and strength as I marched downstairs and asked Iggy to start the dinner and told Gazzy to set the table. I hated myself for it. I detested myself for having the indecency to try to imitate Maximum Ride. I loathed myself for glossing over her departure as if it were a minor event. I hated it all. But it was dinnertime, and Max wanted us to go on as normal. Normal was setting the dinner, normal was eating even though I felt a wave of sickness trying to drag me under its strong current.

There was one thing that wasn't normal. There was one thing I did differently. While the others were preparing the dinner, I did not go up to my room to lift my weights as usual. Instead, I went into Max's room. The entire house felt so empty to me now. She was gone. Max had never been present in spirit, but now she was gone in body too.

I missed her.

I missed her so much that it felt as though my right arm had been torn off ruthlessly. I missed so much that my heart ached. I wanted her back. I wanted her so badly it burned.

But I had let her go. And I would just have to wait until she returned to me.

Maximum Ride would return to me, and then life would make sense again. She would return to me, and return my heart to me too. All I had to do was hang on until she did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys! Once again- huge thank you to everyone reading and reviewing!! It means a lot and I love to hear from you**

**This is Fang POV again, and it is still very OOC. I really don't know why I seem to enjoy writing Tortured Fang so much...?? I'm still really busy with school so I don't know when the next chapter is up... as soon as possible basically but I don't know when that will be =P Okay, well, thank you again and I hope you enjoy this. =]**

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It was dark and cold outside our solitary house. But beneath the soft glow of the shaded moon with the brisk wind washing over me, it felt somewhat right. It was fitting. Everything seemed to be shrouded in a slight darkness since Max had left. A gloomy echo of cool emptiness lingered within me behind my calm and collected façade. It was a farce, but it was effective. With my outward show on my side I could function daily- I could keep the Flock happy and do everything that Max had left for me to do. The pretence of being unemotional and unaffected was working for me and it stayed in place all through the day. The night, on the other hand, was a different story. During the night I could embrace the pain and loneliness.

"You on watch?" Came a soft voice from beneath the trees. A voice I knew all too well- it haunted me at times like these in the safety of darkness. My heart soared and lodged in my throat.

"Yeah." I sounded ridiculous, but I didn't know what else to say.

"Why?" She asked, stepping out of the shadows. "It's safe here, there's no need- you said so yourself."

I stepped forward until I was right up close to her. My hand buried in her soft, blonde, windswept hair, resting gently above her ear. She was here. Really here. Tangible, my hand cupping her face. I leant in to the side of her head, my nose and cheek rubbing against her golden hair. My eyes closed slowly and I breathed in as my arms surrounded her.

"I'm not on watch for threats from outside, I'm making sure nobody leaves from inside," I whispered.

"Why?" She asked, falling further into my embrace.

"They want you. Want to be with you," I told her, my voice rising above the sound of my thumping heart. "They miss you, almost as much as I do."

Her eyes scorched my hooded irises and I suddenly felt whole again. She was back. It all made sense again. I marvelled at how simply the pain that had accumulated over the past few months melted away as soon as I saw her face. She was what I needed, what I wanted. But she didn't want to hear what I was saying, so she cut me off. And I didn't stop her, because it felt so good to have her lips pressed against mine again. To have her wrapped in my arms again. The way it should be.

"Max." Her name escaped from my lips as she pulled away moments later.

She didn't answer, just continued to look at me with the silvery light of the moon shining down on her beautiful face.

"Are you back, Max?" I asked quietly. "Are you finally back?"

She shook her stunning head at me negatively. The sad smile she offered me was miniscule.

My recently regained bubble of happiness and hope shattered around me. "No, Max. Please no," I was almost begging. In fact, there was no 'almost' about it. My eyes and my voice were pleading with her to stay. My soul screamed, telling me that I couldn't watch her leave me again.

"I need to see them, Fang." She picked up a rucksack from beside her feet. "I got them some gifts," she said softly. Before I could speak she had walked in our front door, bag defiantly in hand.

I made to follow her through the jamb… but couldn't do it. I leant against the outer wall of the house, my forehead pressed up against the cool brickwork. _Not again, please not again. _Some time later, she placed her hand lightly on my shoulder. I didn't move or turn to face her. My eyes were clenched tightly shut and I stayed resting against the wall.

She ran her hand gently through my hair and I winced even more, still unable to open my eyes. "Fang, sweetie please, you know I need to go."

Sweetie. Sweetie… a term of endearment reserved for children. The kind of name she used when she spoke to Angel. A child- I would not act like a child. Everything within me screamed loudly in protest telling me to do anything possible to keep her at my side… but the rational part of my brain already knew the outcome. It knew that she was right. It knew that I would let her go.

With rough desperation a claimed her lips with my own again. She wasn't going to just fly away- her eyes asked me for permission. Permission I was compelled to grant.

"Go," I heard myself say as my chest constricted with familiar pain. "Go now."

She nodded in grateful understanding. "I love you, Fang."

"I love you too. Take care of yourself Max, I want you back in one piece."

Max smiled that shadow of a smile- it held promise for me. Promise and hope. As she left me again, taking off into the night like a free bird across the cloud-covered moon, I felt the nightly emptiness consume me again and I knew that what I was doing was right. I knew that I loved her, and I knew that the same love would keep me going until I saw her again. I loved her enough to let her go and she loved me enough to come back to me once more.

In the kitchen, there were four individual parcels- not wrapped, just bundled up in their own separate brown paper bags. The names of our Flock written upon them. I sank into her seat at the head of the table and just stared at them. Stared and stared and stared. I would not sleep tonight. I would not budge from this spot. I would just stare and remember until morning came and my walls would be raised again.

The time passed and daylight came. I couldn't decipher whether the time passed quickly or slowly, but it passed. The sunlight poured through the windows, settling upon the day and getting comfortable in its role before the Flock trundled down the stairs two hours after its rising. They arrived in the kitchen together, as a family. Iggy at the fore switching on the radio. The daily routine. But the others did not race towards the table or refrigerator this morning. They quizzically looked at their dishevelled father figure instead and more importantly at the paper packages resting on the table.

"Presents on the table, guys. Max said hello."

I left them before they opened their gifts, letting their confused chatter break out as I started to run the shower and listened to the gush of water blocking out all other sounds. She would be back soon. I would wait.

Just like I had been before, I was vulnerable in her wake. After I returned to the others I would be like stone, the pain would run off me like the smooth flow of water flowing fluidly down my face inside this shower. I would continue to love them and protect them, just as I would continue to pine for her in the secret confines of my mind. I would continue to be strong for them… for her.

The days went on, and the weeks, and the months. The ever-present pain stayed with me like the memory of her face, her touch and her voice. But I knew: I knew that she would come back. My hope lived and survived by the knowledge that Max would return again. Return and stay. Return and love me so much that I would not need to let her go.

I was wrong though.

She came again… and again.

But she left again… and again.

Each time it was the same thing. She would visit in the dead of night bearing gifts for her Flock and sad smiles of heartbreak for me. My world would brighten only to be shrouded in dark pain afterwards. There was never any talk of what she was doing or how she was doing. There was nothing but the two of us. She would kiss me. I would kiss her. I would hold her and she would cling to me. We would both fight off the tears. She would gaze upon her sleeping family before leaving their paper packages on the kitchen table. And it always ended the same: kisses and pain. Me telling her to go. Her loving me for it while I hated myself.

Yes, the dark and cold night was only the first. The first of many. We lived through this show of love and letting go over and over. It was torturous, but it was our only true happiness amidst the pain of time apart. It could not be any other way- I could not leave, she could not stay.

We loved, we let go. But we always, always, always wished for a time where we were able to just be. To love enough to stay. To be strong enough to just love. It was a love defined by mutual loss, but it was a true love. Only those who loved enough to let go could understand it.

I lived through her leaving by longing for her return. It was a constant cycle of leaving and returning. But I loved her enough to believe that there would one day be a return that would never be followed by a departure.

I loved her enough to live through letting her go. But that didn't stop me from loathing her absence- a feeling that only increased with every sporadic visit she paid me. Fleeting, numerous visits that always ended in her departure, but never ended in a goodbye.

Not one departure ended in goodbye. And that was enough to fuel the burning fire of my hope. There was never a goodbye.


	4. Max POV

**First off, thank you so much for reviewing and reading! Okay, so this chapter is** _Max POV _**because I felt it was needed! This chapter is here to show how Max feels about everything that is happening. In the reviews for the last chapter, people were saying that they were starting to hate Max for what she was putting Fang through. And I can definitely see why!! We have only been seeing this story from Fang's POV so far. So I thought I would go into what Max is feeling a bit more in this chapter! *Now do you see how great reviews are? Without them I probably wouldn't have bothered writing this! Tah Dah- this is all thanks to you letting me know what you think so far! So thank you very much =]**

**I hope you enjoy this, and once again I have no idea when the update will be. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on this, thank you once again and I know that Max and Fang sounds quite similar but I think that just shows how close they are, maybe you don't agree? =]**

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I awoke gasping for air with an empty longing in my heart. Two deep, dark irises burned through my dreams and the vivid memory of being wrapped in his arms made me shiver. Fang. My Fang. I missed him so much. So very, very much- the loss made my heart and soul screech in yearning. But this was my fault. I wasn't going to deny it- this was nobody's fault but mine.

I knew that he blamed himself, but I wished that he would blame me. I wished with shattering desperation that he would blame me. I wanted him to yell at me, to glare at me with withering fury and to call me out on my cold-heartedness. But he didn't. Just like I didn't hate him or blame him for settling down. His sorrowful eyes pierced my own and he kissed me soundly as he told me that he loved me. There was no hatred, just love. Love and pain. And it was my fault.

I left.

He loved me. I loved him.

I left and he let me.

It would make no sense to anyone else, but we understood. We were two halves of a whole, soul mates, best friends and closer than family. We just couldn't be fully together yet. I kept wishing that we could be, but life was never that simple. Fang had always entertained idyllic notions of buying a house somewhere safe so that we could all live together and forget about the evil dangers of our past lives. I had never liked the idea. I needed those dangers, I need the evil megalomaniacs to fight off. I was Maximum Ride- I needed a mission, I was a hero. I am a hero. And a hero needs people to save- not a house to clean or lawn to mow. Every moment I spent trapped and confined within those four concrete walls, I could feel _me _slipping away. The very essence of what made me Maximum Ride was disappearing and dying slowly but surely. I was fading away in a state of depression and lethargic pain- feeling useless and pathetic. I could not be Maximum Ride in that house, I could not be me. So I left.

But leaving did not make me happy. I felt like me again as I flew around in my heroic state of saving and protecting, but there was a void inside me that was full to the brim with pain and suffering. Being in that house was a betrayal to myself, being away from that house was a betrayal to everyone I had ever loved. If I was an honest person who admitted to pain and wrongdoing, I would have said that I was confused and guilty and completely unsure of what to do… but I wasn't, so I pretended that I was fine. I took a leaf from my beloved Fang's book- I put up a defensive front of solidarity and strength while I suffered on the inside. It worked for me.

I focused on helping others in an effort to forget about the neglect I was inflicting on my Flock. Yes, I knew that they were safe with Fang; I knew that there were no dangers; I knew that they were happy… but I still felt like I was betraying them, and I wouldn't blame them in the slightest if they hated me for my actions. One of the most painful things though was the knowledge that they wouldn't hate me at all, they would just continue to love me no matter how undeserving I was of that love. And I was undeserving of it.

I never embraced glory or fame. I never accepted the thanks offered by those I saved. I didn't do it for them as such, I did it for me. It was ingrained in me to do what I could to save others- maybe I had been designed that way, maybe it was the influence of those crazy scientists, or maybe- as Fang had always claimed- I just had a ridiculous Superhero Syndrome that couldn't be quenched just yet. Whatever it was, I was just compelled to save others; to protect them when they couldn't protect themselves. So, no, I never embraced the praise or the glory or the fame. I was undeserving of that too. I was undeserving of a lot of things- except perhaps the pain that I constantly felt.

I often tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing. Doing the right thing for everyone. I was keeping myself sane and alive by leaving the safe house and saving others. I was making the Flock happy by letting them live in that house. I was keeping them safe by leaving Fang with them. And I was helping innocent people by saving them every day.

It was the right thing. But it didn't feel right. It felt better than the alternative, but it still hurt. Knowing I hurt Fang made me hurt. Not being able to see my Flock made me hurt. Everything just felt wrong and painful. And I didn't know how to fix it.

In his arms, I felt safe. Enclosed in his warm embrace where nothing else mattered except him and me. I felt protected and loved and happy. But in that house I felt chained and imprisoned, useless and decaying. We couldn't be together- my staying would destroy me, the Flock's leaving would make them suffer. I couldn't make my Flock suffer- I would never do that. Even though I knew that the Flock being with me while I saved the world again and again would make me happy and content, I knew that it would make them miserable. So I refused to be selfish. They came before me, just like always. They were more important. I loved them enough to let them go. They were there and I was here- it was not ideal but I loved them enough to bear it.

And then Fang. Fang, Fang, Fang. He understood this complex situation, I knew he did. His eyes told me time and time again. He was hurting as much as me. Anyone else would question me- believe that I did not love him at all, believe that I was heartless and cruel. Maybe I was heartless and cruel, but I still loved him. He knew me well enough to understand. He loved me enough to let me go. It broke my heart to keep leaving him, but it had to be done. I would never have left if he hadn't let me. My eyes always asked the question and sometimes I even put it into words… he always gave the same answer. He always let me go. He always told me to leave. Fang owned my heart just as I owned his. We belonged to each other, regardless of the distance or pain.

I could remember that first departure with startling clarity. I had been lying in bed, feeling miserable and downright awful, but I was trying. I was trying so hard to find the motivation to get out from beneath the covers, but the months of living a settled life in that dreaded house had finally got to me. I was almost demented by the feeling of imprisonment and claustrophobia. I needed to leave, to fly away and be me again… but I wouldn't. I couldn't do that to them. It was Fang: he had entered my room of captivity, he had spoken to me, he had made me open up. It was him that had urged me on to tell the truth. The god-awful truth of it all. And once I had admitted to my melancholic distress, I could not stop. Suddenly I knew what I had to do. I had to leave. So I did. And it broke my heart as much as I knew it had broken his. The first time I had left, I had done it without any permission. I had done it against his wishes, even though he didn't chase after me or drag me back. But every consequent time that I saw him, I wouldn't leave unless Fang was okay with it. I was letting him take charge and make the decision on this one. He proved his love by telling me that it was okay time and time again. He never said no, he never got angry, he just loved me enough to live through the same despair as I did.

The months dragged by in a haze of torment shrouded by loss. I focused on my missions and put up my high walls of feigned strength. I kept returning to him, to see my family and the man I loved. I couldn't stay away, but I wasn't ready to stay yet either. I hated myself for it. I hated myself for being so weak, I hated myself for inflicting pain on the only people of any importance in my life. I hated the fact that Fang loved me so absolutely that he was willing to let me go over and over again… I hated the fact that I put him in the position that made him _have_ to let me go again and again.

I never said goodbye to him. It was a taboo word. There was no end to our love. We loved each other enough to let go, but more importantly, we loved each other enough to know that what left would come back. There would always be a day when I would return to my Fang, and he knew it. It gave him hope- our unspoken promise.

Our love was endless, our love was true and pure. Only those who loved enough to let go could understand it. I loved Fang, and Fang loved me. But I still hated myself for making him love me enough to let me go. That look of echoing anguish and agony in his eyes haunted me and tore me to pieces. His voice and his touch lingered with me always, refusing to be forgotten or loved any less. I still hated myself for the damaging pain I forced upon us. I hated myself for being too weak to come back to him without leaving.

I wished for the courage and strength to come back to him. To stay. To just bask in relaxed happiness with him without feeling the pressing need to be free from the walls of confinement. Even if freedom did not feel like freedom without him.

We loved and we let go in an ongoing cycle of loss, love and pain. I still wished to be stronger, to overcome our obstacles. I still wished for him. For us. Sometimes I even wished that he would not let me go, that he would snap in a fit of rage and forbid me from leaving… I would hate him for it and it would destroy me… but sometimes I wished that it would happen anyway and I didn't know why. He loved me too much for that though.

Fang kept loving me enough to let me go. And I kept loving him enough to leave him behind me. I trusted in my longing for strength, I trusted in our shared belief that one day we could overcome this, I trusted that one day I would come back to him and never feel the need to leave him again.

Loving and letting go. Loving absolutely, but never ever ever letting go absolutely.

It was an ongoing cycle. But there was never a goodbye, because one day we would be together completely. Until then, our love would help us to survive through the pain of separation and my self-hatred for inflicting in. We loved each other enough to let each other go temporarily. We both believed that there would one day be a time when we would love each other enough and be strong enough to not let go again. We just had to wait for that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again!! Back to Fang POV here =]**

**Okay, so I'm pretty sure that this story will be ending in the _next _chapter... I know, I'm sorry really I am. I would love to take this further, but it originally was only ever intended to be a oneshot so I'm happy that I got to at least five chapters for you guys. Plus, the practical aspects of my exams are starting on monday so I really just can't keep writing Fanfic... Stupid education...**

**However, there will be one more chapter- so just enjoy this one first lol. Thank you so much for all the reviews etc so far, it means so much- it really does! (seriously- otherwise this would have remained a oneshot, you guys are inspirational!!!!) Emmm, yeah, so I really have to go and do some study (yuck) so cheer me up by letting me know what you think! I hope you like this =]**

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It had been a pleasant day. A nice day. Happy and full of smiles. Angel had convinced us to go to the park, Iggy had prepared a picnic worthy of kings and the sun smiled down on us brightly. It had been a good day. But now they were all in bed, and it had all come down to this.

There was no need for night watches anymore, I knew that the Flock had abandoned all ideas of leaving to search for our beloved Max. But somehow I still felt the need to venture out here every single night. It felt wrong to taint the interior of the house with my moroseness. There was even a wicker chair placed outside the door now, I was prepared for my nightly musings of sorrow. I did not sleep very much anyway so it hardly mattered as to whether I was in bed or staring at the night sky from outside. Max was not sleeping well either- with every erratic, fleeting visit the dark shadows beneath her eyes became more prominent, just like mine. During the daytime it was not too bad, the Flock kept me occupied- but at night the loss and emptiness came crashing back into my life with renewed fervour. It was eating me alive. But there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My head argued that this was the most suitable solution for everybody- Max was free and able to be herself, and the Flock stayed happy and safe. But what about Max and I? what about _us_? No matter how hard I clung to my everlasting hope, despair and distress still shone through in the depths of my soul. We were hurting each other, even though it was the last thing we wanted to do. And I didn't know if I could do it anymore.

The present arrangement made me feel like I was going crazy. The consuming maelstrom of aching, throbbing emotions threatened to take me over in a fit of depression or mania and my head always battled to stop it. Max was the life-raft I clutched and clung to, but she was also the terrifying wave that was trying to tear me to pieces. Perhaps the worst thing was that I knew she felt exactly the same. I knew- I just did. We were two halves of a whole, broken when we were not together. I knew that it would all end one day: the leaving and letting go would some day stop… but with every fibre of my being I wished that it would be so much sooner as opposed to later. I didn't know if I could last 'til later.

I needed Max to find what she was looking for. I needed her to seize that revelation of strength that would enable her to return to me. Maybe I was selfish, but I just needed her back. I loved her just as much as before, but letting go was become more and more difficult with every departure. I still loved her enough to tell her to leave though. I could deny her nothing. In her eyes I could see the mutual pain- she loathed leaving as much as I detested letting her go. It was just the way it was. The course of true love never did run smooth- and we were living proof of that fact. But love could overcome all obstacles, right? So Max and I could overcome this. We could. We just had to believe and hope and love, and someday it would all be okay.

Until that day we were waiting. I was getting good at sitting beneath the soft, silvery light of the moon while waiting. Always always waiting. The wicker chair served its purpose effectively as I let my head hang back to stare at the dim stars. It was dark and late, but morning was far off. Time always seemed to drag in a long, excruciating manner. Days were long, nights were long- I could never decide which was longer, they were both ridiculously lengthy. And empty. The seconds drifted and melted into minutes as I sat still having a million conversations in my head. Soft breeze, silence, stars. I was on the brink of sleep, but never actually sleeping- just sitting motionlessly as I thought and absorbed my familiar surroundings. I didn't move as I felt it all change, there was no point.

"More presents?" I asked hollowly. I could sense her. Max was here. She may have been stealthy and silent, but the air changed and I could just tell that she was near. I didn't bother getting out of my chair.

Max clambered into my lap, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face in my neck. She nodded her head positively and I dropped a kiss on forehead while smothering a weary sigh. She was so close. Holding onto me as my arms snaked around her. Some tiny part of me wished that tonight could be different.

Our breathing was slow, fitting in with the gentle gusts of wind around us that teasingly blew strands of Max's hair against my skin. We didn't speak. Merely sitting there, relishing the precious seconds shared between us.

"I miss you, Fang," she whispered painfully. "I miss you so much that it hurts."

Her arms squeezed me even tighter to her, an action I mimicked. While I still felt _better _when Max was near- safer, stronger, more whole and happier- I never felt as secure as I did the first time she had returned to me. The joy of having her near me was shadowed and tainted by the knowledge that she would be leaving again soon. I still did all I could to make the most of the short time we had though.

"I know," I soothed, my fingers working into her blonde hair. "I miss you too. God, I miss you Max."

We let the silence reign for a long passing of short minutes, and every time she pulled back from my arms we would press our lips together repeatedly. It was Max who broke the silence. I guess sometimes things unsaid have a habit of eating you up inside so much that eventually you just have to voice them.

"I hate coming back to you… I don't deserve you, Fang. Why won't you hate me? Why won't you get mad at me? This is my fault!" She cried in distress.

"Hey, hey. Who bought the house?" I replied, rubbing the skin at the back of her neck. This was just as much my fault as hers- if not more so.

Max sniffed and continued to press herself against my chest. This was so very different to any other time she had come back. "I could never hate you, Maximum Ride," I whispered. My breath fanning out over her ear made her shiver slightly.

"I love you," she said quietly. Those three words were the most frequently spoken when I saw her. It was almost as if she felt the need to keep telling me in case I could ever forget. But then again, I did the exact same thing.

"I know. I love you, Max. And this isn't your fault- it's just the way it has to be." My voice was laced with regret that I could not conceal. "Why tonight, Max? Why are you saying this tonight?"

Every other night she would arrive, sit with me, check on the Flock and leave their gifts on the table. We would never talk about ourselves or our lives- just the Flock or mumbled declarations of affection. This was different. I didn't know why.

"I don't think I can do it anymore, Fang," she admitted shakily. "These months without you are driving me insane with loneliness…"

"Are you coming back? For good?" I heard myself ask hurriedly.

My heart leapt with unadulterated hope and rejoice. I could almost feel myself trembling with some strange form of excitement. Max, I needed Max. Max would come back to me. We would be together. No more pain, no more heartache or longing or loss.

"I… I don't know," she said in a quivering voice that was laced with anxiety and indecision. "I just… don't know."

She pulled away from my chest and her watering eyes locked with mine. Her chin was adamantly fighting to stay still and not betray her. My thumb gently smoothed over her warm cheek in an attempt to calm her down.

"I'm afraid, Fang." The out of character admission seemed to shock her as much as it shocked me.

"Of what, Max. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm here, I swear."

It was when she nodded at this statement that I knew something was wrong. Maximum Ride did not accept this kind of protection- she stubbornly refused it. She was strong enough to take care of everybody, including herself. Even I did not have the honour of vocally presuming that I could even be capable of protecting her.

"I'm afraid to try staying here with you again. I'm afraid of leaving you. I'm afraid of letting you down and hurting you again. I hate settling down… but I hate being without my Flock. I hate being away from you." Max dragged her eyes away and rested her forehead upon my shoulder again.

"I'm unreliable, Fang. What if I come back, get everyone's hopes up, only to leave again within a few weeks? I'm afraid of letting you all down and not being strong enough to stay, I don't want to put you through that again." Her voice cracked and I could almost feel the pain radiating off her. Then again, the turn this conversation had taken was making my agony return pretty quickly too.

"I can handle it," I lied stubbornly.

"Really? Well, can the Flock?" she asked quietly. "Can I?"

The silence filled the air around us yet again. My urge to kiss her and hold her tight vanished as I struggled to find words to describe how I felt. Max was still wrapped around me- she kneeled on the wicker chair, her knees on either side of my legs, and her arms draped around my neck as her head continued to rest on my shoulder. Her breath flitted over the exposed skin of my neck, but the clinging urgency that the embrace had held moments before seemed to have vanished. I held her loosely, I barely held her at all. My hopes had foolishly risen, but I could see their impending fall.

"So… you aren't here to stay this time…"

I could almost hear the crickets in the background. "I want to stay Fang, I swear I do… but I won't hurt them. I won't hurt you. I can't do that… I just can't."

I rubbed her back wearily, tracing abstract shapes over her wings. The fact that she was leaving me again was not the only thing burning an acidic hole in my stomach, the fact that this decision was hurting my Max too was almost more painful.

"I wish I was stronger Fang," she whispered against my neck as I kept tracing the patterns on her hunched-over back. "I wish I could come back."

"It's okay," I replied gently. "You're getting better, this is better. You're going to find it, Max. You're going to find whatever it is that you're looking for. You're getting closer, I can tell. Just keep doing whatever it is that you need to do, and than come back to me as soon as you can."

And Max _was_ getting better. This visit was so much longer and more intimate than the others. She was getting closer to finding that strength, so very close to seizing that unknown element that would enable her to return to me. I let her go, over and over, with the hope that she would come back… but it was getting so much easier for me to believe that she would be back. Max was coming home to me. Maybe it would take a few months, maybe a few more sporadic visits, but she was getting there. My hopes had not been dashed tonight, I had been right in saying that things were different. They were becoming better. I could tell.

"I'm sorry Fang. I really am."

My hands slid to her shoulders and I pushed her back so that she was facing me. "I know, Max. You know that I know that. And you know that you don't have to apologise. I understand."

"I love you," Max murmured. You know- just in case I had forgotten over these past dragging months. The words signalled an end to this evening visit. It was all I could do to suppress a regretful sigh.

"I love you too."

Max disentangled herself from my lap and dusted herself down. "I need to see the Flock," she told me. "I have presents."

All I did was nod. I knew that she would come back to this chair to see me once more before she left. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if the Flock happened to wake while Max was in their rooms… but she was too stealthy and shrewd to be caught. They never knew, despite their great hearing and light sleeping. Like me, Max could move as though she melded in with the shadows. Unheard and unseen- the only evidence of her presence were the gifts waiting on the kitchen table by morning.

Predictably, she approached me once more after leaving the house she dreaded so much. I stood up this time. My stiff limbs protested loudly with my attempted movement of fluidity. Max did not speak- merely stood before me as the wind played with her hair.

Her eyes held the usual question- the pleading and apologetic unvoiced question. Even though she knew the answer. My own eyes fluttered closed for a split second as I gathered my emotions once more, and fought against the familiar rebelling feelings within me that told me to latch my arms around her and never ever let her go.

"Go, Max," I said. "Go- but come back to me."

"I promise."

My eyes widened and my jaw nearly dropped. My forehead furrowed a little despite my practiced manner of hiding how I feel. "I thought you said no more promises?"

Beneath those sad doe eyes, the corners of her mouth lifted in a small smile. She knew just as well as I did that she was closer to coming back to me. It made it easier for me to let her go.

"I promise," Max reiterated simply. "I'm going, but I promise that I'll come back. Promise."

A grin lit up my face in spite of myself as I watched her fly away again.

_Promise._

Loving, letting go, promising, returning. Max would be returning. That was all I knew, and all I needed to know.


	6. Chapter 6

**Phew!! Sorry for the delay- but I am in the middle of exams right now and technically should not even be on the computer!! Alas, this is the end. The end of this angsy, sappy, emotional drama that is Love Me, Let Me Go. So- the question remains, will Fang and Max have a happy ending? I guess you will have to read to find out! **

**Thank you so much to everybody you read, reviewed, followed and enjoyed this story! =] Your reviews mean so much to me, as do the favourites and alerts etc. Thank you very very much =] I hope to come back after my exams, but that might take a while! As for now, I shall away and study! Thank you for everything and please let me know what you think =]**

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I had never necessarily thought of myself as patient or impatient… I was just me. Fang. I was strong and silent, I helped to save the world, I wrote a blog, I played father figure to my family and helped to raise them as best I could, and I was in love. I was in love with the most formidable, unforgettable, indescribable, fiery, stubborn and amazing woman in the world. I was in love with a hero. And granted- that isn't always an easy thing. It meant that no matter how desperately I wanted to protect and care for her, she would nine times out of ten push me away. But the course of true love didn't run smooth, and it was capable of overcoming all obstacles. I was truly in love with Maximum Ride- and so I believed that the obstacles would always be overcome. It was us against the world, we would be the stronger, we would be triumphant, and we would always come out on top- together.

Love overcame all the obstacles. It overcame hatred, despair, pain prejudice, fear, impatience… everything. While I may never have considered myself to be patient or impatient- I found myself gradually leaning towards the impatient side. Back in Virginia, the English teacher had recited some famous quote on love by a saint- Paul? Peter? Patrick? I can't remember, it was too long ago, but it began with a P. Anyway, this guy said that love was _"always patient and kind," _never _"jealous" _and _"not resentful_"… Except, I was suddenly finding myself very impatient, and I was hugely jealous and resentful of whoever Max was with right now. But I didn't resent her, and I wasn't really impatient with her either- it was more the situation that aggravated me… so I suppose it wasn't too bad. Then again, that saint really knew what he was talking about. The teacher kept drivelling on about being kind and sweet and happy, and at the time I was getting slightly sick of it- but then she read the last piece and suddenly it all made sense. Love "_is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end." _That's when I stopped being fed-up with the dramatic teacher, because that's when I thought of Max; and that's when I knew that maybe they knew what they were talking about after all.

The reason I felt this abrupt impatience was because Max had made me a promise- a vocal one. We had always had unspoken promises to each other, but this one had been spoken aloud. It made it more concrete, more definite, more real. I guess it had given me more hope than before. Hope had always been my driving force- more specifically, hope for Max's return. So when I heard her make me a promise to come back I foolishly thought that maybe it would only take her a few days to come back to me. I knew that was wishful thinking no matter how much progress Max had made. I was generally thinking with a deadline of perhaps a few weeks, I believed that was all it would take for Max to finally take that last step and find the courage and strength to return to me. I was wrong. It had been three months so far. I had counted ninety-five days since I had last looked upon my Max.

Ninety. Five. Days.

Life without her continued as usual. I still felt that emptiness resonating in my chest and shadowing my every movement. I still got up each morning and sat in my wicker chair each night. I still sought to do all I could to protect and provide for our Flock, I was still there for them when Max was not. I was still me, but I started to yearn for Max more and more each day. It was a fire raging in me now, no longer just a wavering flame.

The Flock continued to ask about her. _When will Max be back? Where is Max? Is Max ever going to come home? Is Max still _alive_, Fang? Why does Max only come at night? Was it something we did?_

When it wasn't questions it was comments. _Max would like this. I wonder where Max is right now. Max would love this film. Max could never make a cake like this. I miss Max. I wish Max would come home._

Sometimes it took all my energy to just refrain from screaming. I _knew _that they missed her. I _knew _that they loved her. Dammit, _**I**_ missed her! _**I**_ loved her! Couldn't they see that the stony façade was just a method of defence? Couldn't they see that I really did care? I found myself seething at times when they implied that I was impassive and unaffected. I felt like shouting at them, roaring and screaming and spilling my emotions in a crude and brash manner… but I didn't. That wasn't why I was here. I was here to care for them, to do the best for them. Protect them and be strong for them. If I broke down they would surely follow. So I bottled it all up and calmly deflected their opinions and thoughts while still being their father and brother and friend. It was my job, the emotional side of things could be left to them. I could stick it out until night-time. My wicker chair had become a strange type of sanctuary.

It was in the comfortable chair that I could just _be_. There was no need for any mask, and no reason to hide anything from myself while I sat still with the cool breeze tugging at my clothes as the moonlight shone silver on my long hair. My mind could peacefully ponder all my causes for concern- I could think about what we would do tomorrow, I could think about what we had done today, and most importantly I could think about Max. I sounded obsessed, but I truly couldn't help it. She was everywhere. Her name was on the credit card we used each day, her graceful beauty was present in every bird that soared across the sun, her success as a mother was clear in the Flock, and every memory of her replayed in my mind with every beat of my heart. She was central to my own happiness and existence. I no longer cared if I sounded sappy to my own inner voice or if I seemed pathetic without her… I didn't care. I just needed her to come back. Come back and never leave. I couldn't let Max go anymore. I just wanted to love her, with her at my side.

Nobody went into her room these days. Except me. I don't know why I did- the room was an empty shell, there was nothing in there to let me feel closer to her. Nothing that tied the four walls to Maximum Ride. It was void of personal belongings, deserted and abandoned. Maybe I liked to go there to remind myself of how trapped and empty Max had felt herself. Maybe it was because I liked to face up to the one thing that absolutely terrified Maximum Ride the Fearless Hero. Or maybe, just maybe, I liked to torture myself. What else could you call returning again and again to the place that had made the person you loved suffer? Especially if you knew that you yourself had given her this particular room, if you knew that you had chosen this particular house. It was masochistic: taunting and hurting myself like this but I kept at it. I would walk into Max's room, the empty, cold, lifeless shell of a room, and just sit on her bed. Stare at the blank walls and the wardrobes that held no clothes- I would look and see the same bed sheets that had knotted around my ankles on the fateful day that everything came crashing down around me. I was a glutton for punishment, because not only did I keep letting her go but I kept loving her and blaming myself for letting her leave at the same time. I would mull all of this over when I sat in Max's room during the evenings and then again, and then again when it was night-time and my rightful place was in my wicker chair beneath the dark sky. Times like this.

"Hey."

My thoughts were suddenly disrupted by a voice coming from my left. I didn't bother lifting or turning my head- I knew the voice, there was no need. Yet, I felt slightly surprised: this was not expected. I muttered a noncommittal "Hey" right back.

"Fang?" Cautiousness filled the air with the single word. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" My mask was up again… it didn't belong here. The chair was the one place that the mask was not allowed. I could feel my jaw tighten with tension.

"Well, it's one am… and you're sitting outside staring at the sky. And… I know it's not the first time either." My visitor sat down on Gazzy's go-cart contraption. I had always thought that it was a waste of money- we had wings for crying out loud! But he had wanted it, Angel had used the Bambi eyes, Nudge had nagged and I had caved. It was like Total all over again.

"Iggy," I said calmly. "I am fine."

He exhaled the sigh I was fighting to suppress. "It's Max, isn't it?"

"Max is fine, Iggy," I told him. "You know that. You get presents, don't you?"

Iggy scooted closer to me and his glassy, sightless eyes seemed even lighter under the absurdly bright moon. Even though my brother was blind, he was highly perceptive. He was more alert to the truth than the others, even without Angel's mind-reading abilities. Iggy knew that I was suffering, and he knew that there was more going on than I was letting on. But he had never confronted this problem head-on until now.

"Fang, getting gifts from someone in the middle of the night and actually seeing them is a very different thing. And I know that there is more to this than you are saying, I know that you have seen Max over the last few months. You don't sit out here moping for nothing."

"I'm not moping Ig, just thinking."

_Liar…_

"Look, I know you hate talking about stuff like this but… Max loves you, really. Maybe not the way that you love her- but she really cares for you. Don't let it come between Max, you or the rest of us. I mean, this has gone on long enough… did Max really just decide to leave, or did you have some kind of argument? I've always believed you, man, but the others always thought that you guys had fought or something… You can't help loving her anymore than she can help not loving you back in the same way."

I let out a sharp, humourless bark of laughter. _Oh Iggy if you only you knew how wrong you were._

"What?" he asked. "What's so funny?"

It was then that I realised that I was just as well telling the truth as I was lying. Why not? The mask didn't belong here- the wicker chair was a sanctuary from the mask and the pretence. It was different here and deserved to be kept as such.

"Nothing's funny, Iggy," I admitted with a trace of my humourless chuckle still evident. "Absolutely _nothing_ about this is funny. It's not funny that Max and I have never fought, or that I could do nothing to make her stay. It's not funny that I sit here every night wishing that she would come back. You're right, Iggy: I love Max. I always have. But do you want to know the really great thing? She loves me too. Max loves me. But she just isn't able to stay in this damned house where she feels trapped and scared, so I can't even be with her. Not really. So that- that is what is so damn _funny_."

"I'm… sorry, Fang…" Iggy's voice was truly apologetic, and that made a twisted part of me want to laugh too. Maybe I was finally going crazy: laughter in this situation was clearly an indication of lunacy. Separation from Max had driven me to dementia.

"Why? You haven't done anything," I replied bluntly. "This is just the way it has to be for us for now. I love her enough to let her go, I won't torture her by making her stay. Max will be back, Ig. That is the only thing that I do know… just make sure you don't say any of this to the Flock."

He could tell that I was trying to close the conversation, and my brother respected me enough to let me do that. He also respected me enough to know that I wouldn't want to be consoled or given sappy advice.

"Okay," he said. "Well if you ever want to talk… you know. Just, eh, hang in there, yeah?"

I shook my head with a retained smile. "Yeah."

He obviously did not realise just how long I had been 'hanging on' for. When Iggy said it, it sounded so easy. I knew better: it was not in any way, shape or form _easy. _Being apart from my Max was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. I would get through it though.

After Iggy loped back inside and returned to bed, I went back to my thinking and staring. The hours melted away gently until the black matt canvas of the sky began to become tinted by the shadowy blues, purples and greys that appeared before dawn. It happened gradually as though some giant artist was carefully stripping away the onyx layer of paint that had been used for the night scene, beneath it lay the bright blues and whites of day but there was a lot of stripping away to be done before it would become evident.

It was one of the most peaceful and beautiful times of day. It promised a new dawn, but for me it was laced with bittersweet pain. It meant one more day without Maximum, and gave way to yet another day of responsibility and self-imposed anguish on the behalf of my mind which took masochistic delight in reminding me of the woman I loved who was no longer with me. It was a conflicted feeling. The first cracks of hazy light had begun to appear in the sky, it would be a few hours until the Flock awoke. Daybreak was upon us, and I decided to wait until it arrived before going inside. Day ninety-six was almost here. Tiredness made my eyelids heavier than usual. I could feel them flutter closed.

I only awoke when I felt something around my neck and a pressure on my knees. I lurched forward. No one had ever gotten this close to me without my knowledge, I had heightened hearing- I could hear a twig snap miles away.

"Shhh," the person wrapped around me soothed. "Shhh, Fang. It's okay, it's just me."

"Max?" I asked dazedly, blinking my eyes rapidly. If I hadn't been able to actually feel her hair tickling my cheek, I would have believed that I was still dreaming or hallucinating from lack of sleep.

"Yep- the one and only."

Her voice sounded so amazingly good to my ears that I almost thought that I must be dreaming. But she was there. My arms latched around the small of her back and I pushed my head onto her shoulder. This was no dream. Besides, who else could get this close to me without my knowing? Nobody else was this stealthy.

"But… Max… you…"

Her warm smile coaxed me into finishing my sentence. "I what?"

"It's daytime," I stated dubiously with a blunt tone.

"Yes, Fang, it is daytime." Why was she still smiling? Why were her eyes _happy? _

"You only come at night," I informed her in the same manner. "The Flock will be up soon…"

"Well, yes… I usually only come at night," she agreed. "But this time I have something to tell you, something important. Very important."

And that damn smile was still affixed to her face while her happy eyes shone. I knew that beneath the confusion present in mine there was still pain. Like always- pain and hurt and agony and loneliness. So why the hell was she happy? And what did she want to tell me?

It didn't take me long to realise what was going on… and I could feel my heart stop. Panic and disgust and all-consuming anger washed over me.

_No. No, no, no, no. Not this- anything but this._

I should have known better. I should have listened and been smarter. I should have… should have made sure that I didn't end up in this situation. Damn it, I had been blind. Stupid and blind and idiotic… and all those other words that I couldn't think straight enough to remember. Why now? Why me?

In a fit of rage and repulsion I shoved Max off my lap. She stumbled on the ground before me as she fought to stay upright, and the happy smile slid right off her face. A feeling of satisfaction tweaked in my stomach as I watched it disappear- before swiftly being replaced by shame. The anger was most prevalent, I liked it that way- it blocked out my sorrow.

"Fang, what-?"

"Don't, Max," I spat. "Just don't. I know what is going on, and I don't want to hear it."

I buried my head in my hands as I leant towards the ground beneath my chair. My stupid wicker chair. There was no need for it. There was no need for my wasted nights void of sleep and full of torturous thoughts. There was no need for the promise-laden reassurances I had offered the Flock. There was no need for promises at all… Max had betrayed me. There was no one to blame but myself. I had been foolish to think that she would ever come back here. I should have known better. She was a free bird who couldn't be caged. We were her cage. And I couldn't really blame her for leaving. But I sure as hell could blame her for leading me on, for making me believe that she would be coming home to me, and most of all for making me believe that she loved me just as much as I love her.

What a fool. I had been made a fool by the only woman I had ever loved. I had waited for her, let her go, loved her… And now she was happy somewhere else, and most likely with some_one_ else.

_You idiot. You downright stupid fool._

I couldn't bring myself to look at her face. I wasn't able to do that. I wanted to remember her face when I believed that she loved me. I didn't want to see pity adorn it. I was happy to remember the past.

"The Flock," I repeated, trying to steady my voice. "Will be up soon. So I suggest you leave now. I don't want you to get their hopes up. It would be beyond cruel. If you have gifts, leave them here. You are not going into the house, I know you hate it anyway."

Each word that left my mouth stabbed daggers into my heart. I closed my eyes as I saw her knees bending in my periphery vision. She was going to kneel beside me. I would not see her pity, I would not hear her excuses or listen to her stories of finally finding happiness. The happiness that I had apparently never being capable of providing her with. She would leave, and I would continue to care for the Flock. I would do my best to forget her, and if I couldn't then I always had my wicker chair beneath the moonlight.

"Fang, no!" Max cried. "I won't just get their hopes up to let them be destroyed again, I promise. I know now. I can do this now, I swear. I know I've been gone for so long and I know it hurt and it wasn't fair, but I swear I wouldn't be here if I didn't believe that I would be here to stay."

I could hear her shuffling at my side but I still couldn't open my eyes. I barely heard her words as I concentrated on not letting my woeful emotions show.

"I'm sorry Fang. Please don't tell me that I'm too late. Please, please say that I didn't leave it too late. I love you Fang, I swear. Forgive me, Fang. I promise it will never happen again. I know now, I'm able for this now. Please…"

"You… what?" I raised my head slightly and opened my eyes as the full weight of her words sunk in.

"I'm sorry, Fang," she repeated tearfully. "Please tell me that it's not too late… I'm back for good, I swear. But if… if you don't need me, if you don't want me…"

"No! No!" I scrabbled to my feet, throwing myself out of the chair as the bright dawn made me squint. Maybe there would be no day ninety-six.

"You're back?" I asked incredulously, hardly daring to believe it. "You… you're back? For good?"

Slowly, my Max stood too. The sunlight made her hair look golden and her eyes shone even more. The happy smile was back, albeit slightly smaller. She wrung her hands together as she looked at me. And then… then she nodded.

"Yes. I just… finally found what I was looking for, I guess."

"What," I breathed in surprise. "Were you looking for?"

Max bit down on her lip and shifted her gaze to the ground. She shook her head as though admitting to something utterly ridiculous. "You," she said softly. "I was looking for you and for the Flock. I just needed to get rid of my Superhero Syndrome before I could see clearly enough to realise."

"And now you're back- to stay?" I had to ask, even if I sounded like a broken record that was skipping over and over on the same question. I could hardly believe this- it somehow seemed easier for me to believe that Max would be leaving me.

"I am back. And I am here to stay," Max affirmed. "All traces of Superhero Syndrome are now out of my system."

So I did the only thing that I could. I grabbed her in my arms, held her close and spun her around. All the pain evaporated and matching beaming grins lit up both of our faces. For the first time in a long time, I laughed. I laughed properly- light and joyful and carefree. Right now, I didn't care how or why it had finally happened. I just knew that we were happy and finally together. That was all that mattered.

There is nothing harder than loving someone enough to let them go.

There is no hell that compares to the time spent alone while they are gone.

There is no hope greater than the hope that stays in your heart that tells you that they will be back.

And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, more amazing than the feeling you experience when that person that you loved enough to let go comes back to you.

"I love you," she shouted gleefully in my ear over our laughing as I stopped spinning. You know- just in case I had forgotten.

As the Flock sprinted downstairs, I held her closer and told her happily "I love you too."

You know- just in case she forgot.

I loved Max enough to let her go. But she finally loved me enough to make sure that I would never have to. This was it, this was our happy ending and our happy ever after. No more leaving or letting go, just loving. The way it should be. Day ninety-six became day one. Day one of being happy and together. Day one of forever.

I had let Max go, because I loved her. But now we were together, and after all of the pain our loved seemed even stronger. Strong enough to make sure that there would be no more letting go.

If you love someone enough, you let them go. If they love you back, they will return. Only true love can survive through the separation and truly believe in the reunion. Max and I were living testament to that as we stood together on the brink of a happy forever.


	7. Please Read! Very important!

**Hello again guys!! I just wanted to say thank you once again to everybody who reviewed, read and added to alerts or favourites for this story! It meant a lot as I never intended it to be more than a oneshot. **

**I have to admit that this fic is probably one of the ones that I am least happy with out of all of my fics on this site- mainly because it was intended to be a oneshot, and when I continued it it became very rushed and was not overly thought out or edited. I may come back and edit it during summer etc. I do like the story lol but I don't feel that it is as good as some of my others.**

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**Just in response to** _My_flock_leader_** who was not signed in and reviewed yesterday: You are right, this story is very depressing. The original oneshot (now chapter 1) was depressing too, but the great thing about it was that we were left to imagine what would happen. If we wanted to we could believe that Max flew off that day and returned that night after realising just how much she needed the Flock and Fang. However, if I wanted to make the oneshot into a multi-chaptered story I had to prolong this pain on both Max and Fang's behalf or there would be no story lol. I guess that is one of the things that I was most worried about when I decided to continue the fic. It was certainly one of the main issues that made me debate continuing. But you guys all asked for a continuation, you all wanted Max and Fang's story to be told- so the pain and "depression" in my eyes was kind of inevitable.**

**The only thing is, Fang and Max did get their happy ending. That is the main reason I posted this authors note to you. (I couldn't do it any other way because you were not signed in lol) The review was posted on the Sixth Chapter- the last chapter as it happens. And you said that you found it too depressing and sad to read- you were so right because the beginning does continue with that sad and painful theme. But the thing is that if you read to the very end of the chapter you will see that I did give Max and Fang their happy ending.**

**I don't expect you to read the chapter because as you said it is very sad- but I thought that you would like to know that Max and Fang did get their happy ending and now live with all of the Flock.**

**Just so you don't have to read through all of the sad depressing stuff in the chapter, here is the very end of it. Their happy ending, just incase you wanted to see what happened. =] Thank you so much for reading and reviewing **_My_flock_leader_**!! =] I really hope you have read this authors note! =]**

**This is the happy ending- (it's also a Fang POV) **

"You're back?" I asked incredulously, hardly daring to believe it. "You… you're back? For good?"

Slowly, my Max stood too. The sunlight made her hair look golden and her eyes shone even more. The happy smile was back, albeit slightly smaller. She wrung her hands together as she looked at me. And then… then she nodded.

"Yes. I just… finally found what I was looking for, I guess."

"What," I breathed in surprise. "Were you looking for?"

Max bit down on her lip and shifted her gaze to the ground. She shook her head as though admitting to something utterly ridiculous. "You," she said softly. "I was looking for you and for the Flock. I just needed to get rid of my Superhero Syndrome before I could see clearly enough to realise."

"And now you're back- to stay?" I had to ask, even if I sounded like a broken record that was skipping over and over on the same question. I could hardly believe this- it somehow seemed easier for me to believe that Max would be leaving me.

"I am back. And I am here to stay," Max affirmed. "All traces of Superhero Syndrome are now out of my system."

So I did the only thing that I could. I grabbed her in my arms, held her close and spun her around. All the pain evaporated and matching beaming grins lit up both of our faces. For the first time in a long time, I laughed. I laughed properly- light and joyful and carefree. Right now, I didn't care how or why it had finally happened. I just knew that we were happy and finally together. That was all that mattered.

There is nothing harder than loving someone enough to let them go.

There is no hell that compares to the time spent alone while they are gone.

There is no hope greater than the hope that stays in your heart that tells you that they will be back.

And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, more amazing than the feeling you experience when that person that you loved enough to let go comes back to you.

"I love you," she shouted gleefully in my ear over our laughing as I stopped spinning. You know- just in case I had forgotten.

As the Flock sprinted downstairs, I held her closer and told her happily "I love you too."

You know- just in case she forgot.

I loved Max enough to let her go. But she finally loved me enough to make sure that I would never have to. This was it, this was our happy ending and our happy ever after. No more leaving or letting go, just loving. The way it should be. Day ninety-six became day one. Day one of being happy and together. Day one of forever.

I had let Max go, because I loved her. But now we were together, and after all of the pain our loved seemed even stronger. Strong enough to make sure that there would be no more letting go.

If you love someone enough, you let them go. If they love you back, they will return. Only true love can survive through the separation and truly believe in the reunion. Max and I were living testament to that as we stood together on the brink of a happy forever.

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**So, after that long note!- Thank you very much everyone, and if you do ever have any queries or questions about my stories please don't hesitate to get in touch by review or PM, I will reply because I feel that the most important thing about every fic is that the readers understand. You guys are the most important people on here, so please get in touch if you want anything confirmed or explained etc. Like I say at the beginning of chapters- always let me know what you think! Thank you =] =] =]**


	8. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!

Hi everyone, Rach here =]

This, unfortunately, is not news of a new story- but please keep reading, because if you like my fics this is definitely very important.

I was going to post this on my profile but I didn't think many people would see it there, and I really want you guys to read this. I will probably delete it soon, but I'll leave it up for a few days or weeks so that most of you have a chance to see it. It's kind of like an author's note, I suppose.

This little message is to every single person who has read one of my stories, reviewed them, added to favourites/alerts or dropped in with PMs. I know I have said it many times before, but I don't think I can ever say it enough- **THANK YOU!!**

I'm turning _eighteen_ on the _15th__ of May_, and I was just thinking about the past year. To be honest, some parts of it weren't all that great! Maybe that was why I got so motivated to start and keep writing fanfics on this site. You guys were constantly so encouraging and inspiring, and that really does mean so so much to me. I actually can't tell you guys or express to you just how much it means! The fact that I can't write much anymore thanks to schoolwork makes me feel like such a traitor! =(

All of my reviewers are so important to me, and there really are too many of you to name but you know who you are. Some of you (you know who) have reviewed every single one of my stories in a particular category, you guys should know that you put huuuuuge smiles on my face! Sometimes it's only a few words or a single sentence, but every single review is so appreciated.

The Mortal Instruments 2009 Awards- what can I say- the fact that so many of you nominated me overwhelms and shocks me and I am honoured that you think I could even deserve to be nominated.

I myself have a dedication to everyone on fanfic who has reviewed, added to alerts and favourites and read my stories and nominated me for awards on my Bebo page to show everyone how great you guys are =] But let's be honest, _great_ is a massive understatement!

I would also like to give a personal shout out to the most fantastic girl in the world, who goes by the name of **Aine** (_XxAinexX_ she is in my favourite authors on my profile) She is a wonderful, talented writer and the best friend anyone could ask for- seriously, I should bow down before her but I'm too sarcastic and I would laugh too much! She would probably tell me to cop on anyway, but she is truly amazing and deserves an entire book written about her not just a little paragraph here. =]

So yeah, that is the end of my soppy and emotional address to you all. I guess I'm just getting nostalgic as I approach the big One-Eight!! As my younger cousin (aged 16 lol!!) told me today: you're getting old Rach!! I guess reminiscing and nostalgia come with age!! Lol =P

Once again, thank you all for being so unbelievably fantastic! You have made my day, my week and my month on so many occasions by following my stories- yeah, you guys pretty much made my year of being seventeen at times! So thank you =] I really can never say it enough!

Raven-Rach xxxx


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